It is a sad day when one learns that one is lazy.
I’m not certain if I have always been afflicted with this malady, or if it is something that has crept into my life with retirement. Whichever, I can attest to the fact that I am comfortable sitting in front of my computer, playing games, glancing out my window to watch more energetic folks walk by, while procrastinating about the chores that need to be finished or started.
I’m surprised at my lack of ambition, since I’ve always prided myself about the amount of energy I have to finish a project. But, now that I think about it, I am extremely ambitious about not doing anything worthwhile. I work at this idleness. I struggle to dismiss from my mind those nagging voices that tell me to get up, do something, be productive. I spend a great deal of time kicking myself with guilt because I’m enjoying my laziness. It’s hard to give up one’s addiction to ‘doing’.
Eons ago as my husband and I began a year-long sabbatical, he asked me if I could ‘let things happen’ rather than ‘make things happen’. I flippantly said yes, not understanding how difficult that could be. I had to give up my calendar, walk away from routine and projects, and just ‘be’.
Now, you would think that would be a breeze, but when you live with appointments, dates, deadlines, and goals, well, not planning is more than a challenge: it’s a nightmare! That is, until you get used to it. The experiment of ‘being’ was life changing, and one I would recommend to anyone who dares to be unafraid to ‘let go’.
Our society demands and expects that we be goal oriented and driven to accomplish something. When you set that aside, suddenly your days are filled with time: time to read, time to dream, time to walk, time to talk, time to observe, time to sleep, time to play, time to ‘be’. And it is heavenly. You begin to know yourself, understand yourself, like yourself, enjoy yourself.
I think they call that living. Some would say I’m lazy. But, I say I’m just ‘being’.
So if you see me nodding off on my porch, understand I’m probably meditating about how fortunate I am to have the time to do nothing.
Oh, and when I’m looking for an excuse, any will do!