There Are Advantages to being 75

I’m so glad to be my age.

Being ‘old’, ‘wise one’, ‘elderly’, ‘all knowing’, ‘aged’, ‘over the hill’, or whatever term is used to describe someone 75 or older, allows me to have excuses for lots of failings.

I have reasons for the many things I want to avoid. For instance, I want to ignore telephone calls, choosing, instead, to engage

Excuse 38: My hearing aid batteries are dead.

I want to limit my exercising to once a year.

Excuse 19 works well for this one: I’m allergic to sweat.

I love being late to meetings. Actually, it isn’t that I love being late, I just hate being ruled by a clock. I pull out

Excuse 94: My clock is as old as I am, and like me, it sets its own time.

Calendars bug me, and like clocks, I don’t want to be reminded of birthdays, anniversaries, doctor appointments, etc.

Excuse 44 usually works as an explanation: My calendar is flawed; the dates for August are on the May month, and the January dates are the November days. Who would print and distribute such a confusing calendar?

Becoming proficient in computer know how, isn’t something I care to do. Truth be told, being proficient in most things isn’t at the top of my ‘likes’ list. But to justify my aversion to such things I trot out

Excuse 6: I channel Henry Ford who explained his lack of knowledge about certain things: If I want to know I’ll ask someone. Works for me.

Forgetfulness is something I find so convenient.

Excuse 70: What do you expect? My memory is 75 years old!

And finally, my weight. I am so tired of being concerned about whether my stomach sticks out or if my fitbit dances around on my wrist if I reach 10,000 steps every day, so it’s time for an explanation why my clothes are no longer as loose as they once were.

Excuse 104: My doctor said it was dangerous for me to stand on the scales, bend forward, and try to see the number. So…I gave my scales away, and I donated all the mirrors in the house to the homeless. I haven’t a clue what I look like nor do I care.

You may be asking how it is that I have such a lengthy list of excuses at my ready. It has taken me 75 years to fine tune my excuse catalog. Each one has been tested, reworked, tried, checked, and perfected. I’ve spent a lifetime working on these reasons for my laziness and avoidance. And finally I can happily use them and not be questioned. People just shake their heads and mutter, but again, my hearing aid batteries keep acting up.