The Absence of “No” is Not Enough

Had to share this excellent post that is thought provoking and has a hint of hope.


Wine and Cheese (Doodles)

For the last week I’ve been watching the #MeToo movement rise and fall in the media. Women are sharing, in great detail, personal experiences in order to highlight just how pervasive the problem of sexual harassment and assault really is.

What I’m also noticing is that men, on the whole, have been largely silent.

Now, I hope–sincerely–the relative silence is about allowing a safe space for women to talk about their experiences without trying to interrupt or explain why those experiences are wrong or mistaken or taken out of context. Sincerely.

My worry, however, is the silence is due to many men not hearing what women are shouting over the chasm. The chasm which exists between the way women define and view sexual assault, harassment, and consent, and the way that men do. That chasm is so wide and deep when you shout across it no one on the other…

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10 thoughts on “The Absence of “No” is Not Enough

  1. I have offered my opinion many times that the world would be a safer and better place if we all lived in a Matriarchal society, rather than a Patriarchal one. I cannot offer any argument in support of any abuse. The most important word there is ANY. (as the article states “Rape is a crime of violence against women.”) I do not state that as any excuse for anyone, merely to point out that, although the vast majority of abuse is against women, men are also abused.

    I think that most men are silent because they just do not know what to say. We are all horrified, but should we be apologising on behalf of menfolk in general? Should I change my attitude, or behaviour, and in what way?

    I did consider deleting this reply but then I would be adding to the general silence from men!


    1. I’m so glad you did not delete your reply. This is what ‘conversations’ are about, and both men and women must be willing to safely express themselves about how they feel, what they think, and solutions they recommend.

      You are also correct in noting that men are also abused and often in silence. None of us want to admit we were taken advantage of and because we were afraid to expose it we feel guilt and shame.

      Thanks Peter…don’t keep your silence, we need to hear your voice.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. That¹s a good one.

    From: that little voice Reply-To: that little voice Date: Friday, November 17, 2017 at 10:43 PM To: Paula James Subject: [New post] The Absence of ³No² is Not Enough

    WordPress.com that little voice posted: “Want to share this excellent post that is thought provoking and has a hint of hope.”


  3. My comment appears to be disappearing (I won’t take it personally) but what I really wanted to say is thank you for posting this excellent article, that I have commented on the blog post itself and that I have included this excellent video released by the Thames Valley Police in Britain …. even Harvey might understand, do we think?


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