I’m not a big resolution maker that many friends enjoy doing at the beginning of each year.
My resistance may be my lack of desire to plan, and to allow myself to ‘float’ .
Not scheduling activities has been a challenge for me. For most of my life I had goals, some realistic and most unreachable, and lived with a daily ‘map’ of things to do. I was almost religious in my drive to stick to my chosen path; driven to succeed, accomplish, finish, ‘do’.
Now here I am in lovely, slow-paced San Miguel de Allende (SMA), Mexico with no desire to rush, organize, oversee, or live with a ‘plan’.
Do you know how hard that is?
Perhaps not for you, but for me, well, embracing the concept of ‘floating’ has been a daunting challenge. I’m finding it t’ain’t easy to drift, following an internal voice that tells you its time to move, or stop, or sit, or play, or dream, or become involved.
Listening to one’s self requires concentration, and discarding old norms and patterns. ‘Doing’ is expected, applauded, and rewarded. Floating is not recognized as an art form to be appreciated or emulated.
A cold invaded my body over the holidays, requiring me to stay in bed, indoors, and away from others. Not a bad thing to do, you say. But, I was surprised at the level of guilt I felt. I ‘should’ be up, interacting, planning, participating, engaging were the messages I kept hearing as I sneezed and wiped my nose.
I couldn’t just listen to my body and ‘be’. People might think I’m lazy. I’m not doing my part to get ready for Christmas, leaving the mundane, but important tasks to someone else.
I certainly didn’t want to be known as a ‘slacker’. Heaven forbid!
So as we went around the room yesterday sharing our new year’s resolutions with friends, I was able to articulate my desire for 2019: I’m going to continue to perfect my ability to ‘float’, listening intently to that whisper that guides me to follow my own path.
Wish me luck as I go about ignoring the ‘shoulds’ I hear as I meander the streets of SMA.
Find more Resolution posts at https://weeklyprompts.com/2019/01/01/word-prompt-resolutions/