humor · musings · pandemic · social distancing

Social Distancing Hostage

You know you’re a Social Distancing Hostage when:

  1. You’ve watched 3 hours of videos showing people in Australia putting out trash bins dressed in homemade costumes before 9 a.m.;
  2. You’ve taken 4 naps in a 24-hour period every day for 8 days;
  3. You’ve experimented making 13 recipes of Cajun gumbo without garlic, shrimp, andouille sausage, and Tabasco sauce;
  4. You don’t know what andouille sausage is;
  5. You’ve read every trashy romance novel available for free on Amazon;
  6. Your only social interaction is waving at the trash collectors at 6 a.m. on Tuesdays;
  7. You’re fascinated with the videos on how to cut your own hair
  8. You’re having two-way conversations with your dogs about canine hygiene
  9. You’re having any conversations with your dogs;
  10. You’ve sent out 4,500 Corona Virus tips to people you don’t know
  11. You’re correcting the English of telemarketing callers from Who The Heck Knows Where just to prolong the conversations
  12. You’re having any conversations with telemarketers
  13. You’ve bonded with your face mask so much you are sleeping with it on
  14. You’ve left facemasks taped to all doors and windows instructing would-be burglars to put on protective covering before entering
  15. You’ve cleaned out the freezer and are halfway through the ‘fridge.
  16. You delight in hearing cars go by

Who can get bored with all these things to do?

16 thoughts on “Social Distancing Hostage

  1. Good ones!

    Sitting in the house for 14 days seems interminable. I talked to Will at our local grocery about whether I could order online and come pick it up. He personally wrote down everything I wanted and brought it to the house. Wouldn’t even take a tip. That was really, really sweet of him, but I was actually looking forward to driving the quarter mile to the store and back. Damn!

    A friend came by this morning to get me to sign a petition for a sheriff’s election (You wouldn’t believe the scandals about the one now in office.), and we stood masked and wary on opposite sides of my front porch as I used my own pen to sign and tried not to handle the paperwork too much. Weird. Like we’re on Mars.



  2. I talk to the blackbird. He actually stops to listen to me now as I admonish him for stealing my fruit and worms. I’ve even to leaving out snails for him. the only problem is when I shoo him off my vegetable patch he ignores me. Great list, BTW. May be we should all create one to help bring some humour back into our lives


    1. it originated in France and has many recipes, but usually made with pork, garlic, pepper, onions, wine, pork chitterlings, tripe. It is a spiced, heavily smoked, cajun pork sausage, often made from the entire gastrointestinal system of the pig.
      You asked. Sounds questionable but is delicious.

      Liked by 1 person

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